How to Decline Food From Well-Meaning People

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We are smack in the midst of that time of year when we can find ourselves with food being foist upon us. Food and the people who revel in preparing and sharing it are everywhere—at our workplace, at parties, and even in our homes. Friends and family feel that showing up without peanut brittle or cellophane-wrapped bundles of sugar cookies would somehow break the holiday. While we may appreciate the effort and gestures, we might dread the energy and fast-talking required to demur. It's not as simple as saying, "Thanks, but no thanks." That response to a present of baked goods won't even register with some people. They become hysterically deaf to their vittles being passed over. It's a challenge to decline gifts of food, for sure.

How can we avoid the food and the hurt feelings simultaneously?

A member of my private support group on Patreon shared a personal experience with being in a position as the recipient of both good wishes and food that doesn't serve them well anymore. I really like this story. (I included it on a recent YouTube live stream.) It's a powerful testament to the impact of personal stories and is an excellent lesson on how to be gracious and stay the course as well:

Wanted to share a "yay me" moment with you all: yesterday was my 45th birthday, and I'm at my lowest weight in 15 years. Beloved friends (who don't know I'm on this journey) threw me a party, and baking is their love language. I left with three plates of homemade cake, cookies, and chocolates. For the first time in my life, I had no interest in eating them. Amazing. I thanked them for the gifts of food, loaded them in my car, and on my way home, I gave them to three homeless people I saw sleeping in the park. I handed them the treats wrapped in bows and said, "Merry Christmas"… they were delighted and smiled. And I smiled with tears in my eyes because, for once in my life, food no longer controlled me. Keto gave me freedom! This support group and Casey's daily video are guiding me and teaching me I'm not alone. With Gratitude, R.

BEYOND KETO (with Casey)

PHoTO CREDIT: Casey Durango

     I know, I know. I’ve written about exercise before. A couple of times. (here and here) But here I go again. While I’ve got the food thing down, sticking to resistance training has me feeling like Sisyphus. I make strides, build lean tissue, feel proud and strong, and then my personal boulder (laziness) skids down the hill, squishing me in the process. So, here I am, baring my embarrassment for all to read: I am at the bottom of the hill, but will trudge back onto my poor, ignored Total Gym. Again, again, and again. Keep a good thought out there for me. 🤞 💪 🏋️

In a few words, the writer addresses several topics: What do we say when others comment on our food choices? We needn't tell anyone when we opt to change our eating habits. How can we accept foods we've decided don't work for us? It can be done, and done with kindness and generosity. Why does a support system help? Because it does. It just does. We can seek one out online or at local meetups. We can create our own if no option exists in our orbit. Because if one of us has challenges sticking to the program, it is sure that there are many, many others.

Keep this testament in mind when you see an army of chocolate Santas marching towards you, pyramids of gold-foiled hazelnut candies begging to be dismantled and eaten, and eight versions of pumpkin pie laid out on the buffet. Remember that if our friend, 'R,' can resist confections made especially for them on their birthday (which is in December, thereby creating a host of other hurdles) after fifteen years of working on getting out from under the tyranny of food, you can also.

And, as always, remember, if I can do this, you can do this.

I promise.

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical doctor, researcher, or Ph.D., but instead, I’ve been fortunate to have had the time and resources to research the ketogenic diet, also known as LCHF (low carb/high fat). The information I share is based solely on my understanding of that research. We are all responsible for our own choices, including what we put in our mouths, and there’s no substitute for each of us checking things out ourselves. And I’m not a medical professional in any way. Go Keto With Casey is not a medical site. “Duh,” you might say. But best to make it clear to all. I welcome questions, comments, and even civil criticism. I’m still learning. So, if you have something to add, go for it. Links in this post and all others may direct you to affiliate links, where I will receive a small amount of the purchase price of any items you buy through those links. Thanks!

Keto: Why Bother?

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It's tempting, when looking around, to see other people in a good light and, in comparison, to judge ourselves harshly. Even as we engage in self-improvement activities, trying to be our best selves, we can get the momentum knocked out of us when we think, incorrectly or not, that everyone else is happily coasting through their day. Other people appear to glide along on metaphorical figure skates without bumps, stumbles, or glitches. On the other hand, we get run over by a Zamboni we never saw coming. Them? Awesome and carefree. Us? Flattened and defeated.

I write, of course, about how we compare our weight, the size of our clothing, and our excess flesh to that of others. Often, juxtaposing them to us impacts our self-esteem, and not in a good way. The raison d'être for this site is to encourage readers to let that s#it go and to put on blinders to what other people 'get away with' eating. We should move past our personal pity parties about the general unfairness of being burdened with a metabolism that rejoices in tormenting us. (I know, I know. Anthropomorphising metabolism is a stretch. But, dang, if it doesn't feel like unseen forces are sometimes working against us!)

Even though I want to be a voice of hope, reassurance, and support, I can't help but recognize—and recall from personal pre-keto experiences—that overcoming disappointment, tinged with pessimism, is difficult.

After our attempts and "strumbles" (a portmanteau of the words 'struggle' and 'stumble' that I blurted out while recording a video on a very early and pre-coffee morning), and feeling that other people strumble not, we may be tempted to throw up our hands, raise the white flag and ask, "Why bother?"

I've been there, at the point where surrender seems better than the slog of trying to right the wayward ship that was my body. Fat, achy, embarrassing. And that was just the part others could see. The pain of thinking that I was beyond the beyonds regarding my weight was even worse. The thought of losing weight seemed as hopeless as the idea of jogging up a hill or wearing a bathing suit in public—both of which I did during the 'Summer of the triathlons, although 'jogging' may be a generous term for what I did. I was still in the move more/eat less frame of mind, so I hauled my sizeable arse up puny inclines, rode my bike, and relearned to swim. I hoped that I'd my efforts and all the humilition would result in the reward of some weight loss.

Uh, nope. At least, not much. The scale recorded a measly eleven-pound loss over nearly six months of training and several spring-level swim/bike/run events across the state. They still whooped me. Talk about wondering, 'Why bother?' Do you mean that after all that effort, I was still nearly as far from my goal as when I started? It was like my body was the fishes and loaves equivalent to weight reduction: no matter how much I worked to burn off the fat, there was always just as much as in the beginning.

"Oh, balls!" as my father would say.

BEYOND KETO (with Casey)

PHoTO CREDIT: Casey Durango

      The photo above is the latest of ‘things I never thought I do.’ This one shows sacks of coffee, harvested from our little farm near Apia, Risaralda, Colombia. It was coffee-selling day in town.

      Witnessing the effort that goes into picking the beans—no heavy machinery to get the beans off the trees since they ripen at different rates so much be picked by hand—then drying, peeling, and bagging them gives an appreciation for my morning cuppa. And that doesn’t take into consideration the efforts of the young guys who hauled the sacks of our beans from our truck to the scale. And after all that work, they were cordial to offer me a cup of freshly brewed joe.

    No, owning a coffee farm, watching the process to get the product to market, and being humbled by the generosity of hardworking guys: these are not things I ever expected. And I don’t think I’d have ever ventured away from my comfy den if I hadn’t changed my ways, changed my attitude, and changed my perspective. Heck, I might not have had the health to do so. Who knows? And who knows what comes next? I’m curious to find out!

I understand the sentiment of resigning oneself to accept the status quo, that change is sometimes too slow and too disheartening. If we give up, we can't be said to have failed. That is unless you believe what some motivational memes read. Things like "The only true failure is in giving up." There were times that if someone had come at me with a quote like that, I would have popped them right in the puss. Tell someone who's twice their appropriate body weight and has been for decades to 'just hang in there' and 'you got this' can be asking for a fight.

Yes, I get it: the temptation to chuck it all and dive into a basket of warm tortilla chips washed down with a syrupy Margarita.

But things changed for me. My perspective changed—almost in an instant. I stopped thinking about size ten jeans (I wore a size 24W) and about walking into a room, feeling like the fattest person in it. I stopped comparing myself to people who eat what they want and remain trim. I got over the cosmetics of my situation. I realized my health was more at stake than my superficial and supercilious opinion of myself. I felt bad. I wanted to feel better. I didn't want to spend another thirty years, or however long I might have, residing in a body that not only embarrassed me but was on the verge of failing me. Instead of looking at how people eat without care or self-consciousness, I started noticing how some people struggled to move throughout their day and through the world. How many people I knew were thinner than I but on fistfuls of medications? And when businesses start providing banks of motorized scooters because so much of the population can barely walk the aisles to shop?

None of this is judgment. It's an acknowledgment that I was on the cusp of those things. There was Type 2 Diabetes and high blood pressure in my future. By then, most of my joints, from my ankles to my shoulder to my fingers, ached. Flights of stairs seemed to have gotten steeper and to be twice as long as before.

For me, the decision to lay off the carbs—and lay off the excuses—changed all that. I am healthy [insert the sound of wood being knocked], waking in the morning doesn't bring dread as to what new awfulness of aging will bring, and I don't compare myself to anyone else...mostly. (I am a human person, after all.) But I usually come off okay in contrast.

Oh, and I wear size six jeans. Score!

So, my 'why bother' is very clear. If you need help on that question, look around you when you're next out and about. Instead of wishing you were like the skinny folks, scarfing down boxes of Taco Bell takeout, be grateful that you're walking under your own accord, coming off some medications, or merely feeling more in charge of your fate.

All that is why we bother.

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical doctor, researcher, or Ph.D., but instead, I’ve been fortunate to have had the time and resources to research the ketogenic diet, also known as LCHF (low carb/high fat). The information I share is based solely on my understanding of that research. We are all responsible for our own choices, including what we put in our mouths, and there’s no substitute for each of us checking things out ourselves. And I’m not a medical professional in any way. Go Keto With Casey is not a medical site. “Duh,” you might say. But best to make it clear to all. I welcome questions, comments, and even civil criticism. I’m still learning. So, if you have something to add, go for it. Links in this post and all others may direct you to affiliate links, where I will receive a small amount of the purchase price of any items you buy through those links. Thanks!

How Much Protein Should I Eat? (It's confusing, right?) 🥩 🍳 🥚 🧀

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You may have heard the ketogenic eating protocol described as many things: "high fat," "loads of protein," "overly restrictive," "unbalanced," or the ever-popular and rather unscientific: "wackadoo." While some of these terms may be more subjective than others, none of them are correct. And while we humans glom onto labels for all sorts of things, labels can be misleading. Just look at descriptions for homes for sale, or those on dating apps, or just about anything on social media. Representations of happy, smiling, shiny people on Instagram can be featured on Dateline next month with Keith Morrison uttering, "Oh, my," after hearing a detective describe what one of those happy people did to the others.

Anywho, referring to keto as a diet as one of vast quantities of protein or oceans of fat consumed is misinformed. The protocol, as I learned it, mentions nothing about grams of protein or how much fat to eat. The only instruction is to limit carbohydrate intake to 20/g/day or fewer. That's it regarding numbers. (The other parts require listening to the body, learning actual hunger cues instead of habit cues, and dealing with pressure from others. That's where the "wackadoo" tag factors in. Some think laying off bread, chips, and desserts is beyond crazy. That's a topic for another post.) But how does all this tell us how much protein is enough or too much? That's the point: it doesn't.

BEYOND KETO (with Casey)

PHoTO CREDIT @JAMES______rios

Even recommended protein intakes vary greatly. A respected source on the topic is Dr. Stephen Phinney. When asked how much protein one should eat, he said he wouldn't offer a suggested amount unless the person asking were his twin or clone—or something to effect. Here's a quick clip of Dr. Phinney breaking things down more technically, and here's another. If you catch it, you'll hear that the accepted range of protein intake varies a lot. One's gender, age, height, body composition, and exercise level all impact that range. So, what's a person to do?

     I’ve written about an adventure My Lovely Mate and I have embarked upon. We just spent many days in our little house on our little coffee farm in Colombia. I’m still getting my metaphorical sea legs regarding the differences between what I’ve known all my life and what life is like in my husband’s native land. The farm is about a fifteen-minute drive along mostly unpaved, winding, and rutted roads into the pueblo of Apia. To say that the streets and lanes are hilly in the town does an injustice to the word ‘hills.’ Whoa. One walks up steep ‘calles’ to get where you need to go, whether for a cup of coffee, going to the carniceria for chorizo and carne de cerdo, or to church service.

     Somehow, it seems the return trip is also uphill. The place is a geographic oddity!

   The photo above shows the starting—or stopping— point of a set of wide steps that lead from one block to the next. You’ll note that there appears to be a total drop-off beyond the benches. That’s because it’s a TOTAL DROP OFF beyond the benches. Steep steps, going straight down.

     Before keto, I resisted even considering getting out of my comfort zone and into this grand adventure, having feet in two worlds. Some days, I barely got up from a seated position. And I certainly would not have been able to get up the danged hills in Apia. Granted, I’m not jogging from one incline to the next. But I can manage to navigate to where I’m going without feeling a myocardial infarction coming my way.

   Before keto? Nope. After keto? Apia, here I come.

Thankfully, our bodies come equipped with a unique system that guides us in determining the right amount of protein for our individual needs. Personally, I've noticed that I don't feel my best when I consume excessive protein. This underscores the crucial role of individual body response in the context of the ketogenic diet. Think of eating a couple of hard-cooked eggs and a glass of water. Now, think about how a third egg would feel. "Cook Hand Luke" and John Candy's character in "The Great Outdoors" notwithstanding, we shouldn't force-feed ourselves 50 boiled eggs or a 96-ounce steak. It's not going to end well if we do. I always start eating the fatty source of protein on my plate and may or may not get around to vegetables. And over time, my fuel requirements, in general, have diminished (hello, aging!), and therefore, I eat less protein. But just by a bit. I don't measure.

What I do do is to eat slowly, putting utensils down between bites. It may sound hokey or like old-fashioned etiquette, but taking more time allows leptin, the satiety hormone, to send the signal to the brain, "That's enough food, friend. Get on with the rest of your day." Take this step as a pro-tip. Taking more time to eat helps me feel satisfied for longer, so I eat less for the next few hours after that meal.

Try being intuitive about how much protein works for you. Many of us feel we've lost our instincts about food. They've been sapped from us after generations of being told when and how much to eat or what to avoid at all costs. Newborns know when they need to eat, and they let us know in no uncertain terms. But we've gotten things all mixed up between what we need, what we want, and what a lifetime of habitual eating has done to us, followed by dozens of attempts to return to eating only when hungry. Perhaps start by serving yourself a smaller portion of pork chop or eggs, hamburger patty, or cheese, and then eat that serving slowly. Pay attention and give your system about fifteen or twenty minutes before deciding whether a second helping is warranted.

After several meals, you may find your protein 'sweet spot,' you should pardon the expression. You may still not know how many grams or ounces exactly you're eating, but you may be able to stop fretting about it. That would be one more thing to check off your stress list.

And that's a victory in itself. 💪 🎉

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical doctor, researcher, or Ph.D., but instead, I’ve been fortunate to have had the time and resources to research the ketogenic diet, also known as LCHF (low carb/high fat). The information I share is based solely on my understanding of that research. We are all responsible for our own choices, including what we put in our mouths, and there’s no substitute for each of us checking things out ourselves. And I’m not a medical professional in any way. Go Keto With Casey is not a medical site. “Duh,” you might say. But best to make it clear to all. I welcome questions, comments, and even civil criticism. I’m still learning. So, if you have something to add, go for it. Links in this post and all others may direct you to affiliate links, where I will receive a small amount of the purchase price of any items you buy through those links. Thanks!

How Long Did It Take for Me to Truly Control My Eating? 🤔

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The ketogenic protocol is a lovely thing. One gets to eat delicious foods, and the principles are straightforward:

  • keep carbohydrate intake to 20 grams/day or fewer (total carbs, not net)

  • if it's not on Page 4, don't eat it

  • don't eat if you are not hungry

  • stop eating when satiated

The tenets noted above are as I learned and have practiced them for over 10 years. Nothing has changed from the earliest posts I made about how my life changed after I laid off the carbs and laid off the excuses. The food (listed on famous Page 4) is easy to understand. It notes fatty protein sources and limited amounts of non-starchy vegetables and full-fat dairy, which are not compulsory. One can learn it in a snap.

There are, however, those sneaky third and fourth bullet points. "Don't eat if you're not hungry. Stop eating when you've had enough."

Ay ay ay.

There is so much more to our relationship with food than needing fuel. (And not for nothing, but doesn't it seem weird to elevate food to relationship status? I mean, it's food for crying out loud. *shrug*) For better or worse, those of us privileged to have ample food supplies have lost our key hunger signals. Our 'off buttons' have gone on the blink, and we can keep eating without regard to satiety—and sometimes without regard to propriety. Have you seen how some of us look whilst scarfing down humongous portions? It's not a good look, folks!

Anywho, addressing the question posed in the title of this post, in the 10+ years of my 'keto experience,' when did I know that I was 100% in control of food?

It was about six weeks ago.

No kidding.

While I haven't strayed from the 'lay off the carbs' part of the ketogenic diet since I started following it on January 8, 2014, the quantity of food I eat has changed over time. Please note that this is still in keeping with the four dictates. Nowhere are we instructed how much to eat, merely to eat how much we need and not more. So, as I lost weight, aged (!), and morphed into a different stage of life (double !), I required less fuel. But up until recently, I was still sometimes eating out of habit and not from hunger. It was a realization that came to me when I was at home for a few weeks alone, my husband having traveled to Colombia, South America. As I write this, I'm now here as well. But he came before me to tend to our little coffee farms. So, while I was at home solo, I practiced paying close attention to how much I was eating compared to how much I had been eating previously. It became clear that habit had more to do with my food routine than hunger. Oops! What would "Go Keto with Casey" say?

So I returned to 'pushing the peckishness,' resulting in eating less frequently and less volume. And I suffered not a whit because of it. No misery, no deprivation. Also, no chagrin at having done what I knew better than doing. Eating more than needed isn't a sin or a crime. It's also not a virtue.

What did the revelation and subsequent tweaks to my eating habits change?

Very little.

The number on the scale has stayed the same. I wear the same clothes I have worn for the last several years, and my health is just as stellar as before. So, "what was the point?" you might rightly ask. Why not go on as I had been? Everything was cool before, right? And, after all, We're not talking about a vast difference in quantities of chow. It has been a bit less food a bit less frequently.

The point was that I now feel different, better. I'm now even more the mistress of my fate. And I don't have the somewhat weight-down feeling that I did before. I feel lightened, internally and emotionally.

If you are a novice or an old hand at managing what and how much you eat, know that there are always, and I mean always, opportunities and reasons to revamp our routines. They might be cosmic or common, substantive or subtle. As with most things, this protocol is not 'set it and forget it.' We must pay attention, keep asking more of ourselves, and then expect more for ourselves.

As always, I'll remind you: if I can do this, you can do this. I promise.

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical doctor, researcher, or Ph.D., but instead, I’ve been fortunate to have had the time and resources to research the ketogenic diet, also known as LCHF (low carb/high fat). The information I share is based solely on my understanding of that research. We are all responsible for our own choices, including what we put in our mouths, and there’s no substitute for each of us checking things out ourselves. And I’m not a medical professional in any way. Go Keto With Casey is not a medical site. “Duh,” you might say. But best to make it clear to all. I welcome questions, comments, and even civil criticism. I’m still learning. So, if you have something to add, go for it. Links in this post and all others may direct you to affiliate links, where I will receive a small amount of the purchase price of any items you buy through those links. Thanks!

Keto & Travel & Holidays. Oh My! 😳

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You may notice a few ‘blank’ days under a couple of columns. Some days, some weeks, are more challenging than others. Last week was one of those. Nothing dramatic or traumatic. Just stuff that happens. I’ll be in colombia for the next couple of weeks. I won’t weigh myself whilst there, but I’ll log the other categories each day. Keep a good thought for me! 🤞 🙏🏻 💪 

Here we go. Again. Much of the world is heading towards that time of year when life is dominated by travel, holidays, parties, religious observations, family, and, of course, food. So much food. Lots of folks embrace and enjoy the break from our daily lives. Many families enjoy getting together, catching up, and re-enacting generational traditions. Afterwards, everyone returns to their respective homes and non-holiday routines. No harm, no foul.

Then there are those with years of experience where the food part dominates the rest. And the food, while being delish and nostalgic for a moment, can find us where we've been so many times. That is, we're in January as full of regret as full of warm memories. It can seem impossible to pass on the cornbread stuffing, fancy chocolates, pies, cakes, cupcakes decorated like reindeer, and double helpings of it all.

Ugh. January. It is as relentless as the tides. We can dose ourselves with foods that we know in our hearts do not serve us well. We can excuse the poor decision-making on so many things. And if the consequences of those decisions are a fair balance to the very brief time of the enjoyment, the fleeting taste, then so be it. No judgment. For me, and for many of us, there is a metaphorical arm-wrestling bout between our wants and our other wants ("I want this chocolate Santa, and I also want to be stronger than wanting a chocolate Santa"). As with all battles of will within one person, neither wins. It always feels like both sides lose. But it needn't be like this. One side can win, one can be the stronger. Our skirmishes with ourselves can result in a true victory: victory over our thoughts. Our thoughts don't define us. Not even all our actions define us. So let's enter this next food fest season determined to actively define who we are in deciding what works for us, what doesn't, and who's in charge.

Food is not the boss of us, no matter the season or the reason. Let's claim our power. And let’s greet January 2nd feeling better about ourselves than all those other January 2nds. 💪 🎉🥳

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical doctor, researcher, or Ph.D., but instead, I’ve been fortunate to have had the time and resources to research the ketogenic diet, also known as LCHF (low carb/high fat). The information I share is based solely on my understanding of that research. We are all responsible for our own choices, including what we put in our mouths, and there’s no substitute for each of us checking things out ourselves. And I’m not a medical professional in any way. Go Keto With Casey is not a medical site. “Duh,” you might say. But best to make it clear to all. I welcome questions, comments, and even civil criticism. I’m still learning. So, if you have something to add, go for it. Links in this post and all others may direct you to affiliate links, where I will receive a small amount of the purchase price of any items you buy through those links. Thanks!